The Closer.

I’ve been compelled To write something for a long time, but, you know, busy lives n all…
My name is Tracey and (Cough), I’m a hypnotherapist

For me, saying I’m a hypnotherapist makes me squirm a little, because either people think I’m a bit spooky or they think, Oooo! Can you cure phobias?! (They obviously don’t ask about weight loss as I like to carry my cake around on my body).

Hypnotherapy is somewhat misunderstood, as something that happens to you, a magic pill and therefore cannot be trusted. Sometimes it can be a magic pill for people but like any plaster over an untreated wound, if the wound isn’t treated it just takes longer to heal.

Work gets done by us, the wound treated, by you.

I suppose before I begin my ‘rant’ firstly I’d like to caveat, that I think counselling and psychotherapy and all the listening arts are fantastic for the right people at the right time, my difficulty is with years of ongoing therapy where the relationship lacks comfort and support but each week an hour is spent, pulling up all the things that could have been done better. I’m not one for spending time reinforcing the many ways I fail.

In the same way that baths are fantastic; there is something lovely about a bath, when you have time for a bath and when you’re in the mood for a bath, and the bath can be so much more than just washing, it is a whole experience. The only thing with Bathing, is more often than not you never feel quite clean, swilling around in your dirty water and if its too hot you come out all sweaty and pulpy and sometimes the water can get too cold and you never quite warm up the water enough, or come out feeling a bit more chilled than when you started. That said, sometimes you have THE perfect bath, making it totally worth it.

The thing with Hypnotherapy (and I liken this to all my clients) is that it’s like a damn fine power - shower; it does the job its intended to do, especially if you don’t have time on your side, you want results; quick and simple. You jump in and out of the shower, sometimes take your time and enjoy the experience, other times just a quickie. No matter what, you are not hanging out being cosseted by your dirty water, you are washing the dirt away, scrubbing the dirt, if need be, and if you need that extra time and warmth, its new and fresh water that cossets.

Both do clean you but in far different ways.

The reason that I’m writing this blog is that whenever I had counselling in the past or whenever I see clients have had counselling, more often than not the counsellors never ‘close the deal’, rarely finish the project and yes we’re not ever ‘finished’ but we do have chapters in our lives and sometimes those chapters need to be closed with the efficiency of having quick shower. I think we have a belief sometimes, that we have a beginning an end, that we become a finished project. Ticking the box for self actualisation; “Tick” I have reached the top of my peak! -Forgetting the peak is just one of many mountain tops in the range, there is no beginning nor end, just different times with different people, and hopefully a bit of self learning along the way so we don’t keep walking up the same mountain.

My learning may not be great and maybe quite ordinary and usual. When I trained to be a counsellor, I knew I wanted to learn how to help people, probably because I have had so many times in my own life when I was crippled by loneliness or fearful of new things and needing some support away from family and friends. But through finding help, I discovered that I too wanted to help, to be there for people and give them tools for not just survival, victory!

Counselling wasn’t for me, because when I needed help; I wanted answers, solutions, more than understanding, my life was a Rubix cube that I wanted to solve, not by pulling it apart and sticking it back together; by ability, by understanding what to do, but sitting in counselling (for me) felt like some riddle where the therapist knew the answers and I didn’t.

If I had a leak in my sink, I I would call a plumber in and I would ask and expect the plumber to fix it.
I wouldn’t expect the plumber to stand at the bathroom door and watch me trying to fix the leak, saying, “oooo! warmer” “Nearly there” -maybe giving me pointers on what to do. I don’t expect that in any other industry and the same goes for counselling/ psychotherapy. Counsellors have had all this knowledge, training and understanding and they observe their clients fumbling around deconstructing their lives in a desperate attempt to fix their immediate problems.

Yes, there is room for taking things steady and gently, but there is more room for cracking on and fixing the problem.

I am all for autonomy and being self-sufficient as a client, and I believe that as clients we need more from our therapists.

We can choose to take onboard the therapists’ learning, and choose to filter, accept or reject what is suggested, as therapists who have spent years in training, this is the least we owe to our practice: Autonomy through respecting that people know what’s right or wrong for them. When we go to therapy, we already know something is ‘wrong’ and we are ready to change. We need answers, solutions, the “how’ to do it and someone to help us close the deal so we can tackle the whole mountain range.

For me, Hypnotherapy is not just about the magic pill, it’s about finding answers; walking away with the tools to get the job done and knowing exactly how to do it.