Talking with Monsters
Why IS it that other parents seem to say yes to their teens, when all you want to say is a resounding, "NO?!"
Teens are aware that most of the time us adults are on Autopilot- What to cook, what to remember, what someone said, what to plan for work tomorrow, etc etc...
There very rarely is a good time to interrupt our thought stream, as either our minds are too lost in our own thoughts universe or we are deciding to settle into our favourite programme or finally sit down with that audible "Aaah" (the signal that we have done all we could today) then the most patient of teens launches in.
Either way, it always takes us a time to actually catch onto what is actually being said (or even asked), and eventually we twig and sometimes we absolutely do NOT agree!
What to do.....
"Chunk it down" If Your delightful teen is playing you against ALL the other parents- GET NAMES! Find out exactly how many and who, have said that Yes.
In excitement of the event, your teen may have missed out vital information that they would consider boring- such as, "Yeah, of course there will be parents present, you can come too."
Or "Yeah, I know I said Vodka, but it's just what we call lemonade because we put spices in it." (Unbelievable but true example).
Just because your teen is getting carried away, try not to get caught in the moment- give yourself time to think or consider- It will also train your teen a bit more in the art of patience...and possibly the art of making a cup of tea....
Establish whether this is your anxiety being projected or whether the situation does demand a no. If you have any doubts, write a list of pros and cons, get a second opinion should you wish.
If you definitely say no, and they definitely think yes, stick to your guns- you are saying No because you love them.
KEEP TO IT.
If a teen sniffs any sign of weakness, they will be ON IT! Your day to day focus is the balance of a million things, their day to day focus is simple- getting what they WANT.... winning your YES.
Be warned and keep strong!
So often teens are surrounded by friends who move the goal posts; one day they are in favour, the next a sworn enemy, what they need from us as parents, are strong, morally accurate boundaries. They have moved on to the next phase of their life where they learn from their peers (yep, we are pretty much off the hook in terms of learning and… damage) but it is in this phase where we offer ‘firm and fair’ - In the sea of teen turbulence, we are their anchor; their home.
Photo by MARIOLA GROBELSKA on Unsplash
